from the past

Remember how it was when we grew up toghether? I had the feeling that we had our own whole world and the fact that we lived in 2 different towns afterwards was terrible. Even though you are my cousin you were like a brother to me. We had our own words with meanings only we knew, our own games, our own universe.

What I didn't know when we were young is that it was inevitable to draw apart when we grow up. It started when you went to highschool and entered a new stage that I had to wait for another two years. As a teenaged girl and boy we did not share so many things to each other.

Why did I have to find out from your girlfriend at that time and wife now that you also felt that I drew apart from you ? I also found from her that you felt the need to protect me all throughout college but I, I  had to go through some thick layers to know what you thought.

Remember that night, when we were coming back from a party, and you told me, in a moment of sincerity that you were really dissapointed regarding the relationship with your parents and you are seriouslly thinking of leaving home permanentlly earlier than planned. I did not say much but deep inside there were mixed feelings. I felt sorry for what you went through, but I was so happy you shared with me something like this, like you only did in the past. I know you don't talk easy about these things.

This Saturday I was happy you two joined us going out like old times even for a short time. And when you left...I said first goodbye to her and then you came and caught my hand telling me that you are leaving home. That second lasted much longer for me and was like a connection to the past. I kept your hand tight for another moment so that the little girl inside could smile for a bit more. And you smiled back at her. Sometimes words are not needed.
image from http://emanuelajourney.blogspot.de/2010/06/new-song.html